I had set a goal for myself to quit smoking while Addie was on vacation this summer.
Yes, I had quit. I had not smoked for over a year and a half. And then I just started again, like it was no big deal. But it was, and I shouldn't be smoking. I realize this.
So I'm "Kicking The Butts Out Of My Life", not 'quitting'. Cause I am NOT a quitter!
On day 4 - I bought some patches, I realized I would need help. And anyone near me while I was on Chantix, I think would rather that I just kept smoking rather than becoming the absolute bat case I was while taking it. So patches it shall be.
And yesterday - Day 8 of vacation - was Day 1 on The Patch (I call it Patchy). And wouldn't you know it, it wasn't terrible. It was bad, don't get me wrong. But it wasn't terrible. I made it thru the day without having a smoke. I even stood outside with D while he had one, and it was ok. I had stuff to do. I was busy. The urge wasn't overwhelming...until I got into the car.
I realized that being in the car is a HUGE trigger for me. So I got some new air freshners. That was my treat to myself for not smoking: a nice, fresh smelling car. And they were way more cost effective than a pack of smokes. And I also started rubbing my patch in the car. It didn't help the cravings, but it did help keep my hand busy.
So, today is Day 2. Patchy is trying so hard to help me. And she's doing a good job. This morning I was sure wishing that Patchy came in the form of a 3 inch stick I could inhale. But, as the saying goes, wish in one hand, sh*t in the other... And I didn't cave, I'm doing this!
Today, on my daily Walmart visit, I seemed to notice every single person who was smoking in their car. I had not noticed how many people really actually smoke in their cars. Or smoke with their kids in the car.
And here, I had an epiphany - I realized I was being selfish. I was a smoker for my own personal gratification, and for my own personal satisfaction. It was something that I did only for myself. This habit in no way benefitted anyone around me. But it affected everyone around me. Our kids hate smoking, seriously hate. Our kids ask us all the time to quit. They try to make deals with us so we would quit. They make fun of us all the time for smoking, and smelling, and killing ourselves. And they are right. I took years off my life and away from my future grandchildren. I teach a class to troubled kids, smelling like an ashtray. "Hey kids, don't smoke, it's bad, nevermind that smell". I went to my own kids events, and I was the bad smell in the gym, not the sweaty kids. We are late for everything, so I could suck down a quick smoke before we go.
So, the lesson on Day 2 - smokers are selfish. And I aim to be a non-selfish, non-smoker.
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