Our Zoo Adventure - Day 2, some of it

So Saturday was a good day.  It started early, and Addie is not the easiest child to wake up.  Especially when she is really tired.  So, the 6am wake up call....Addie moved about 6:45.  Gotta love it!

Here are the pictures:

Started the day off at the Scott Aquarium - where we slept.  Look!!  The jellyfish pic turned up this time :)



Jellyfish Exhibit we slept next to.



StingRay

 

Shark thingie



Stork Nest atop.  Yes, Mariah, Storks are real :)

These 3 pics are from the Butterfly and Insect House. This was an amazing display as well! 

Adventures in the Cat Complex:

The girls were trying to "bait" the lioness to come to the window.  Apparently, sometimes she will pounce on the window if there is unsuspecting prey displayed. 

Mr. Big and Nala.  They played Mommy and Daddy to 2 younger cubs who were brought there a few years ago.  The "cubs" are still in the exhibit with them, they just are no longer cubs :)

Mama Tiger and Baby Isabella.  We did learn that Tigers have white spots on the backs of their ears to resemble "Eyes" in the wild.  If predators see the "eyes", they are less likely to attack from behind. 



Here is the Desert Dome.  This was an absolutely amazing exhibit!!  Opened in 2002, The Desert Dome cost $31.5 million to create!!  And honestly, worth every penny!!  It is the worlds largest indoor desert, (42,000 square feet on each level, 2 levels) and showcases plants and animals from 3 deserts around the world.  The variety is simply amazing.  All the glass and mechanical stuff make it able to sustain climate year round.  It also has 2000 gallon drums underneath to collect rainwater and use the rainwater inside, year round!  Honestly, incredible.  Inside / Underneath is the Kingdoms of the Night exhibit.  Which in itself, is creepy beyond all belief, but equally as intense and educational.  They have 1 of 3 remaining white alligators.   

 



Golden Orb Weaver Spider.  HUGE, and creepy!




Kipsplinger Antelope.  Super cute little guy




Kukaburra sits in the old gum tree, merry, merry king of the bush is he...




This guy seemed to have escaped his exhibit.  But don't worry, these children fed him, he will be ok :)

These pics are all from the Hubbard Gorilla Valley.  The girls were treated to a few "SMACKS" on the glass from the Gorillas.  It was pretty awesome to put your hand up to the print on the glass.  I also was pondering the theory of evolution while we visited the Gorillas.  I know what I believe, but I can sure see why some people believe what they do.  These are incredible creatures. 

 



Ok, so that is probably enough for right now, it is taking much longer than expected to finish uploading all these photos.  I'll do some more later.  Til then, have wonderful days

Our Zoo Adventure - Day 1, Part 2

The second part of our afternoon tour was just as exciting as the first, of course. 

Next stop on our tour was the Garden of the Senses.  This was really quite an amazing garden!  Our guide told us that the Garden of the Senses was built upon the concept of having an area where "limited" people could interact and get a feel for the zoo.  There are sculptures, very life-like, of various animals.  There are different textured plants, braille signs, and raised flower beds available for touch learning.  There are many different chirping birds, and fountains to engage your sense of hearing.  Tons of flowers and herbs scattered throughout for the sense of smell.  And of course there are many, many beautiful birds, flowers, fountains, and pretty much anything you can imagine for the sense of sight.  It is an absolutely amazing garden!

I did find it interesting that there was a sign, written in braille, in the center of this fountain.  I didn't ask what it said, although I am sure it is very important!

And look who else we saw!!  Scooter (well a close relative anyways)  brought back all kinds of memories from growing up with exotic pets.

We wandered on and next we saw the Sea Lions.  There was 1 male and quite a few females, and a couple babies.  When we saw them that night, they were relaxing from being on display all day.  Here is a mama and baby cuddling...precious!

We did get to see them again on Saturday and stuck around to watch the "show".  Which really wasn't a show, they were feeding them, and the male had other things on his mind.  Apparently it is mating season.  He was not shy about showing off all his tricks in front of the girls and he was certainly not shy about getting between them and their food.  I guess he figured that was a good way to get attention :)

Continuing on our Journey, we passed Lemur Island. 

Lemur Island is part of the "Expedition Madagascar" exhibit and was really cute.  We didn't get to go inside the Madagascar until the next day, but we were able to see the Fossa and Ring Tailed Lemurs.  They also have a Lemur Walk Thru exhibit where you can actually be in with them, which would have been extremely awesome; however, the Lemurs were under Veterinary Care while we were there, so no such luck, maybe next time.  

Next on the tour was Durhams Bear Canyon.  Awesome!  We saw the Sun Bears, Polar Bears, and Black Bears.  We also learned that Black Bears and not always black, huh.  I do have a photo of the brown "black" bears, but for some reason it won't upload right, so nevermind, just take my word for it.

I was also treated to a "high-five" of sorts from one of the Andean Bears.  She came up to the glass, cupped her hand, and kind of wiped it at my face.  I'm not sure if she was slapping me or welcoming me, I prefer the nicer version :)

We passed a few more exhibits and got to see a few more things before heading back to the Scott Aquarium for the night.  We got to have some treats and watch a movie, Happy Feet, which I had never seen so was really excited about.  The girls on the other hand, just wanted to go hang out with the penguins and watch the real life version. 

In the penguin exhibit, they

have the antarctic penguins, so they have Gentu, Maccaroni, King and Rockhopper penguins.  And they are all cute as can be.  Funny how watching them in real life, really was more entertaining than a movie.  When we were picking our sleeping spots, the guide did make sure to tell us that the Penguins have a 2am Gossip Hour and we may not want to sleep in the arctic tundra with them.  This Gossip Hour apparently lasts quite long, as they were screeching and crying when I was up at 4:30, silly birds.

The aquarium was also pretty amazing.  Something that we definately need to spend more time at next time we go.  I think we just stayed out of that building on Saturday because we figured we had already seen it all.  We didn't.  And what we saw was after dark and a lot of the lights had already been turned out.  We definately could have seen more!

So, Addie and I hunkered down together in the back corner, near the JellyFish (since all the spots in the shark tunnel were taken) she in her Dad's camping bag, and I in my Dad's. Sleeping on a concrete floor is something that I guess I didn't anticipate when we talked about taking this trip.  While not my favorite thing to do, I think that if I had NOT had Poison Ivy, it would have been better.  Addie passed out relatively quickly, like maybe 1 am or so.  Me, not so much.  I forgot to pack pj's.  So I was left to sleep in my clothes.  Jeans and a tank top.  Well....Jeans + Poison Ivy = Not Fun.  I kind of ducked behind the exhibit and did take off my pants, the cold air was a bit refreshing on my fire-lishus legs.  But I still couldn't fall asleep.  I went to Gossip Hour about 4 and hung out with the penguins while I was waiting for the Benadryl to kick in.  It did kick in, about 5, just before the wake up call at 6....

Our Zoo Adventure - Day 1, Part 1

OK, so sorry that it has taken me until THURSDAY to get this going from our wonderful adventure last weekend.  Let me first say that this was an amazing experience to have with my little girl.  Things like this remind me why it is so important to share with our kids.  Share experiences and Share stories and Share each other.  I love Addie like a crazy, and she thinks I am a crazy, so it worked out :)

We arrived at the Henry Doorly Zoo in Omaha, Nebraska at 6:58pm on Friday, July 8.  Check in time is 7:00pm.  We made it, no thanks to the inefficient workers at the nearby Burger King drive thru (that we sat in for 18 minutes!!!), but we made it, and were able to get in with our group.  WHEW!!

After checking in with our groups and moving all of our overnight gear to the Scott Aquarium where we would be housed for the evening, we went over all the usual housekeeping stuff (rules & regs) and were treated to a hike of the zoo...after hours.  This was amazing to go out in small groups, our tour guide was responsible for only our Girl Scout Troop, so it was a very small, intimate experience, amazing. 

Our first stop was along "Hoofstock".  Pastures of hoofed animals from all over the world.
We saw Addax, who had 2 freshly born little babies in their area.  They were obviously the cutest things we had ever seen!

This is obviously not the baby, but this is the picture that actually turned out, so this is what they look like when they grow up :)

Next we saw an animal called the Bongo Antelope.  This was my favorite of all of them during the entire stay because they had such an interesting story.  The Bongo's are native to Kenya and were widely unknown about until the last century.  It was believed that the Bongos were the ancesters of the native Kenyan people reincarnated. Although it was easy for them to catch Bongos and they provide more than enough meat, natives believed that if you touched or ate a Bongo you would suffer spasms similar to epileptic seizures. Because of this, Bongos were left unharmed in their native ranges. However, these taboos are said no longer to exist and the removal/disproval of this belief is responsible for increased hunting by humans in recent times.  They are now an endangered species...stupid humans!  They are also beautiful creatures.  They have a rich brown, chocolate color pelt with white striping.  The striping is said to resemble the light coming thru the trees and leaves of the Kenyan forest canopy and provide camoflauge for the Bongo.  Anyways, my fave.

Next on our tour were the Red River Hogs.  These little guys were ugly beasts and really I am not sure what their purpose is other than to look at. 



Also along Hoofstock Row are the Dama Gazelle (which was fun to see since my Dad's softball nickname was Larry "The Gazelle" Kelly).  These are the largest of the true gazelles and both boys and girls have horns.


The Gaur, a very large type of cattle.


And last but certainly not least was the Okapi, which, if we ever go back, I will definately spend more time looking at.  The picture below is not one that I took, the Okapi were sectioned off and to see them you had to get yourself positioned just right between the Dama Gazelles and the black fabric on the fencing.  Apparently, these creatures were not out for display that day.  But nonetheless, once we caught a glimpse of them, we decided that these creatures were very cool!  They are a relative to the giraffe, and like the giraffe, the front part of the body extends much higher in the rear, it has the same black tongue and they also have the same 2 skin covered horns on thier head.  BUT, they have a horse like head and zepra like striped legs....WIERD, but supremely awesome!


This is where I will end our tour of the first day.  There is more, obviously, but I have to keep you coming back for more...how else am I supposed to grow my following :)

Stay tuned folks, I will add more as I get time.

Updates & Follow Ups - June

So, I noticed that I talk about alot of things that I am doing, or want to do, or am going to do; but, rarely do I ever close that circle.  So, here are the updates from all my June postings. 

Kittens in the Dryer~ The kittens can not get into the house anymore through the dryer vent.  They are pretty much learning when and where they can and can't be.  And getting confused because heaven forbid we all do anything consistently.  NO FOOD ON THE FRONT STEPS PEOPLE!!  They eat like they are starved all the time.  Truth is that we all feed them every day, I am almost certain.  If they are begging at a door, someone is bound to go get some food and stick it outside.  I think they have figured this out.  It is interesting though, because they are not growing much.  They are still itty bitty kitties.  This also makes it is difficult to kick them when they do get underfoot.  But, they sure are cute little guys (well, 1 guy and 1 girl, whoops) and we sure do like them.  The whole 1 girl/ 1 boy thing...total accident, and now a pain in the arse!  Gotta get 'em fixed, we don't want to be running an incestual kitty mill operation.  They are now also easier to tell apart, John Kitty (renamed JoAnna Kitty) is very grey.  And Presley has turned more of a brown color.  But they are never far apart and both come running to "Here Kitty, Kitty, Kitty."  Presley Kitty has also taken quite a liking to the dead mice we are putting outside for "training".  This, my friends, is good news!!

Shopping Gone a'Ry~ well, really, how do you follow that up?  Kids grow up, and as much as we (as parents) don't like it, it's the sad reality.  In fact, they are growing up so fast that it's hard to believe there is a 10 year old and a 16 year old living in my house.  Seems like just yesterday, we moved to Iowa with a 7 &13 year old.  And in the 3 years we have been here, they have both blossomed into some pretty awesome young ladies.  I like them, a lot. 

To Do~ So, the party definately forced us to get some projects done around the house.  And maybe we need to have another event coming up.  Because, quite honestly, after the party was over...so was our motivation. But, here are a few update pics.

Clean Pool!!  YAY

 The fence is finished, the barn is coming along and the horses are home.  Mission Almost Complete.

FIRST TOMATO!!  WHOO HOO!!!!

Garden filled in really nice!  The fencing is to keep the dogs out, the privacy fence keeps out the other critters, but for some reason, the doggies sure love to lay, and walk thru, and run around in, and dig up my garden...silly boys!

had all kinds of garden goodies for the 4th!  LOVE IT!

New project, clean up the fountain, so it's pretty.  Yes there is a fountain in there, I'll prove it in about 4 weeks

and clean out all these weeds...again...

Doing the Dishes~ At this point, the dishes are a moot point.  No one helps with them, so they have no right to say anything about when or how I do them.  And that's that.  I've started running it whenever I dang well feel like it.  I do believe this will be an ongoing saga, everyone has something to say about it; but, until you do it, ZIP IT!

Dwayne~ Overwhelmed.  Always.  Too many irons in the fire.  That's how I roll...

Hide Cookies from the Fat Girl~  I never did get my rather large (and ever expanding) ass on that treadmill.  So, that would also lead you to believe that I didn't start the Insanity program again either.  Well, that assumption would be correct.  What I have done...swim more.  That's about it.  There are all the little things people do around the house, that really does count as exercise, because you better believe that I am entering THAT on myfitnesspal.com as exercise!!  Doing the dishes, standing and folding laundry, dusting, weeding the garden, push mowing the lawn, all that wonderful stuff that we do all the time.  That counts.  Maybe if I just do more of that...yeah, probably not.  Remember...motivation drain...

Standards~ Haven't lowered my standards, pretty much on anything.  I have come to the realization though that people don't know what you expect of them, unless you tell them.  Thank you to my Close and Personal Life Coach, Cheli Porter, for pointing out this oh so obvious but severly overlooked point! To test this theory, I went over some "new" expectations with Addie, and low and behold, she now does what I expect from her.  I guess sometimes all you have to do is open your mouth! 

Father's Day~ I will always hate this day, because my Father is gone.  We will always celebrate Deron being a Father to our children.  He is a wonderful Dad, and it really shows thru sometimes in the craziest moments.  He is loving, kind, crazy, stern when needed, understanding, absurd, concientious, ridiculous, generous, affectionate, curteous, dramatic, gentile, abnormal, gracious, and really priceless to our family.  We love him, and we will celebrate him.  And remember my Daddy too. 

TCRG - Zinnias~ Houston, we have a problem.  I think I killed them while trying to nurse them back to health.  You be the judge...

Obviously, I have not thinned the pots.  But I also quit watering them, I'm not sure why.  This is what happens when you don't water them for about a week, and then realize it.  And overwater them.  A few are proving to be quite tough, but the others...MEDIC!! 

Hormones & Emotions~ Well, this I believe will be an ongoing battle.  Deron and I actually talked about it in depth this weekend.  I want to go back on the meds, they really help with the symptoms.  I am able to function somewhat close to normally and not have complete spaz attacks repeatedly throughout the day.  But, they turn me into a zombie.  And they make me not crazy.  However, I don't want to go back on the meds, BECAUSE they turn me into a zombie.  But they make me not crazy.  They help so much, but at the same time, they don't.  I am in La La Land most of the time on them.  And have no focus or energy.
I know that many of you reading this are thinking, oh it's fine, everyone gets testy around that time.  I do NOT get testy.  I go crazy.  Literally crazy.  Like to the point, I am surprised that Deron has put up with me for 4 years acting like this, cause you best believe I would have left my sorry behind a long time ago!  And I can't control it.  I try really, really hard to control it, and I just can't.  I have been doing more research on my BFF Google and finding different "Natural" ways suggested to help subside the symptoms.  Nothing will make them go away, I can just forget about that.  PMDD is really a real disease.  And it is NOT PMS.  It is not even close to PMS.  It is like a freak show awaiting to emerge.  And when it comes out, watch yourself!  Cause no one is safe.  No one. 

TCRG - Charlie~ Still haven't gotten around to spraying the 2,4D.  I have however, come up with a plan of action.  A real timeline, so that I can get the outside (of the fence) taken care of, as well as the inside.  All this summer!  My yard will look rather un-welcoming and un-healthy this summer, but next year, it will be fantastic!  And there will be no more Charlie.

Well, that's all folks.  Updates for the June postings, thanks for hangin with me!

TCRG - I gotta RASH!!

One of the hazards of country living is foreign plants.  Some I have never seen, some I have never heard of, some I have seen before and know all about.  Sometimes it's a Crap-Shoot.

I wish I had known that Poison Ivy comes in umteen million varieties before I submerged my barren arms into a cest pool of Poison Leaves.  The "Rash From Hell" as I like to refer to it, was acquired on Friday, June 24, in the evening hours.  I remember driving to MN on Saturday morning wondering what those little dots were.  Hmmmm....maybe next time I wonder what a dot is on my body, I will not pick at it.  That is highly unlikely; however, I will give it my best shot...cause this my friends, SUCKS!!

So, Deron (after holding me while I cried on Saturday from the pain....and then throwing me clothed into the pool "because the chlorine will help", which BTW, it does.) being the loving and supporting pretend spouse that his is has been doing some research on my trusty friend Google, and there are all kinds of home remedies, and ways to alleviate the pain, and many suggestions for clearing up the rash. 

Here are few pictures fresh out of the shower this morning so you can see what I'm dealing with:

Some of these don't look that bad, and they are now actually starting to get better.  But, these are just pictures of my arms.  I have somehow managed to spread the plague to my legs, feet, stomach, and a little bit on my back.  It's cause I am so talented!  Also, this is fresh out of the shower.  Here is what they look like now.  4 hours later.

Yep, it freakin sucks!  And I know that anyone who has ever had the rash from hell would agree with me.
Some helpful hints he found online and we tried out:

• Ice Packs - this one actually works.  I found that icing them down every few hours makes the pain go down a little bit.  This helps, not a cure-all.  But alleviates the pain for about an hour at a time. 
• Hot Showers - also works, fantastically!!  As you can tell from the first set of pictures above, the hot showers definately reduce the swelling, itching, and pain.  Yesterday afternoon, I also took a hot bath with some Melaleuca Oil.  Divine!  I did some more research this morning and found out why. "Heat releases histamine, the substance in the cells of the skin which causes the intense itching.  Therefore, a hot shower or bath will cause intense itching as the histamine is released. This process will deplete the cells of histamine and the patient will often obtain up to 8 hrs of relief from the itching - poisonivy.com"  Guess what I am doing right before bed tonight!  It will be my first full nights sleep in  almost 2 weeks.  And yes, I am counting my chickens before they hatch, but anything has to be better than this!!  Here's to hopin'.
• Vinegar - just like with sunburns or bug bites, this will alleviate the itching, also a short term fix.
• Aloe Gel - Sunburn gel, yes, helps, but only super temporary, I think this only relieved the itching for maybe an hour.  It does go on and sooth though, this was definatly worth it at the time.
• Caladryl - Like a Calamine lotion with Benedryl built in - This works well to form a clear coating over the sores.  But that's about it.  No lasting results with itch relief. This is our "Go-To" for bug bites, I think it works fantastic for bites, not for poison.
• Deodorant - Also a "Go-To" for bug bites.  And was mentioned as a common treatment for Poison Ivy; however, in my case, no relief what-so-ever.  I thought it was because at first, I used the smelly good kind, no relief.  Then I used the regular, un-scented one that I use fresh out of the shower, and still no relief.  In fact the un-scented, hypo-allergenic one that I used second, caused massive itching and burning.  I will stick to deodorant on bug bites only.
• Ivy-Dry Super - Deron and I spent some time in the pharmacy looking over the selection offered.  We decided on this spray as it appeared to be specifically suited to fit my needs.  Again, short term solution.  It really works great for a while, but apparently with my sensitive skin already screaming threats at me, the uber-effective Ivy-Dry Super is not what I need.  The Super Dry, is really super painful. 
• Benadryl - A friend suggested this on Saturday, I started taking some that day.  It didn't really seem to do much, so I only took a couple of pills.  Then on our second trip to the Pharmacy (we had to go when it was open to actually talk to the Pharmacist), she also suggested Benadryl.  She says that all the topical solutions are great and to keep using what offers relief.  She also said that fighting the fight from the inside out, is the ticket.  So, I've been religous about taking the Benadryl on time.  She did warn of and I had previously experienced the side effect of "Drowsiness" from the Benadryl.  I took a couple naps this weekend.  It's ok.  Now, to make it thru the day at work!
• Prednisone - Was suggested by a Nurse friend and seems to be doing it's job.  From what I have read, this helps with the inflammation and itching.  So far, it's done both, only right after I take it, no lasting relief.  Hope that we don't run out before I am ready to give it up!
• Advil - anti-inflammitory, and pain relief - what a joke!  But I do know it's not the Advil, it's the Poison Ivy.  I will continue with my Advil regime, Advil fixes everything. 

The other disheartening thing that I have read, over and over again, is that this usally lasts 3- 4weeks.  So as of today, I have been infected for 11 Days.  3-4 weeks = 21-28 days.  11 days down, 17 to go.  Keep at it Champ, it can't get much worse! 

I have also learned how to identify Poison Ivy, because apparently I previously didn't know what it looked like. 

   

There is tons of this in my new yard.  And since it comes in so many varieties and looks so different, all the time, I will be spraying massive amounts of 2,4-D into the yard!!  And I also learned a new slogan, "Leaves of 3, Let 'em be."  New words to live by, because I CERTAINLY do NOT want to do this again!!!

on a Hoist, Dynamically

Caution...I'm gonna be gettin a little graphic!!  And I'm gonna talk about my hoo-ha, and how I pee myself.

So I had an appointment with the Urologist yesterday. I am going to be having a bladder sling installed at some point and this was the day I had to go for the Uro-Dynamic test.  I think that is what they called it.  It was Dynamic alright!!

Well, first let me say that my last appointment was in March.  So, when I get a phone call telling me I have to be there for this test before my appointment, I say OK no problem.  The part that they didn't remind me was that they would insert things where they shouldn't be, fill me with liquid, shock me with electricity, and hoist me so far up in the air that my muffin is eye level to a standing doctor. 

Let's for the sake of I can't remember her name, call my nurse Karen.  Who by the way is a very kind and gentle soul, she really was a wonderful nurse and did her very best to calm me.  So Karen tells me to slip off my bottoms and cover up with this sheet.  After she has taken me to a room that is bare of anything but 1 chair, a computer, the "procedure chair" that has the largest, most awkward looking stir-ups, and a portable commode with a funnel underneath resting in what looks like a beaker from chemistry class.  I do as I am told.  She tells me to 'go ahead and get comfortable'.  RIGHT! 
When I am settled comfortably in the chair, she helps me get my entire leg into the stir-ups.  Turns out these hold your thighs, not your heels like regular OB stir-ups.  I am happy about this because it is strangely more comfortable.  Then she raises the table.  And I'm stuck.  I am hoisted into the air like a vehicle getting an oil change, my nether regions are level with her shoulders, and I can't do anything about it.  The scary part is that all I can think is, "Deron would love this, I should have brought him along!". 

Karen starts telling me about all the things that are about to happen to me, including the part where there will be a numbing cream applied.  I start to relax a little bit.  Numbing cream is good, right, numbing cream numbs.  And then she started to tell me how the electro-somethin-somethin...somethin-somethin.  I lost her at electro.  At the end she tells me that the Doc would like to come in and do a pelvic exam first. 

Woooo Hoooo, something familiar!!  I have never been so excited to have a pelvic exam in my entire life!!  Bring it on Doc, let's do this!  I was so excited and all worked up for NOTHIN!!  That was the sorriest pelvic exam I have ever had.  Not even a pelvic exam, that was a "flex for me" moment.

Karen say we should get started.  She starts with the numbing gel.  Which is not a gel at all.  It is an injection.  Needles in my va-jay-jay are not welcome.  However, I couldn't see it coming from my birds nest, and by the time the shock wore off and I was able to move enough to take a swing at her, she was done and across the room.  She's smart.  And moves fast. 

Next she tells me she will insert a catheter.  Ok, well I know that this isn't going to be comfortable, but by now, I am almost completely numb and figure I won't feel it anyways, go ahead, stick things in me, get it over with.  So, I lay back on the table and start breathing deep to relax myself.  I'm numb right, this is going to be a breeze.......I AM NOT NUMB, STOP, I FEEL THAT!!!  Oh yes, she says, "you will feel some slight discomfort."  I am thinking Karen has never had this done! Slight discomfort my freaking butt!! Ahhh!!!

So, she gets the first cateter in.  Yes, I did say first.  Because low and behold, she needs to have 2 in for the test.  And no, the 2nd one doesn't go inside the first.  It goes right alongside it.  So, while I am still distracted and writhing in pain from the first, trying to gather my scruples, she attempts to sneakily insert Catheter #2.  This is where I started whimpering and crying like a wounded kitten.   

At this point I start to think it can't get much worse. I mean really, I am jacked up in the air, spread eagle on a table with tubes dangling from my biscuit.  I should have known better!  There is another catheter....and guess where this one goes?!?!  Oh Yeah, in the "Exit Only" hole. I start getting nervous again. She tells me to relax and I won't feel a thing.  Does she realize where she is going to be sticking that thing?!?!?!  While I am still not excited about it, and I am still not ok with it, I tell her to "go boldly where no man has gone before".  And again, I feel it.  And I cry.  And I don't like it.  I don't like it so much that she has to re-insert repeatedly because my body is subconciously pushing it out over and over again.  She finally taped it.  Yes, taped the freaking plastic tubing to my bunghole.  That was definatley an experience that was on my Bucket List, so happy that I can now cross THAT off!!

So now that I have been inserted with the necessary tubing, she politely explains that there are electro-somethin-somethins that she needs to hook up to these tubes.  Wait, WHAT?!  She is going to run electricity through these tubes?  Into my body?  I don't think this was what I signed up for.  Again, kind and gentle soul, puts her hand on my arm and assures me that I will not feel the electricity.  Karen, I like her again.  She shows me the sticky pads that are attached to the wires, we need to attach them to me.  Location...well, 2 go down on either side of my snapper and the other 2, well they go on either side of the tape.  Don't worry, they are small, it'll be ok, and I take her word for it.  She starts sticking these little paddy's to me, and then there is a giant one that goes on my knee.  It has to touch a bone, like a grounding rod.  Oh lord, freaking out again.  How much electricity is coming if I need a grounding rod?!?!?!!  She gets all the sticky pads applied.  And then uses about a half roll of tape securing all these wires and plastic tubing to my legs.  We don't want anything falling out or off now do we?

We move on and get started, oh yes, get started, so far, we have just been prepping!  So to start with, she opens the valve on the bag of sterile something liquid and it starts pumping into my bladder.  My first instructions are to let her know when I feel the liquid in my bladder.  All I can feel is pain and coldness.  I missed this question.  The second instruction is to let her know when I feel like I might have to go to the bathroom.  I also missed this question.  The last instruction is to let her know when I can't hold it any longer.  Oh joy, she's trying to make me explode. 

After a few minute she has me try to sit up and prop myself into a more seated position.  I can about imagine what that would have looked like to anyone else outside that room.  My monkey is level with her face remind you, it was like a bad date.  She's trying to pull me up by my hands from between my legs.  I have no abdominal muscles.  I look like a beached whale when trying to get off the couch.  And now, she wants me to sit up, while she is holding my hands?!  Well, there was some grunting and some yelling (with the pushing I was doing to get myself upright, the tape started to come loose on my rump roast.  She reminded me that if it came out, it has to go back in.  I opted to just lay back and try to rise up on my own.)  Again, I am thinking, "Deron would love this, I should have brought him along."

I finally get seated in an upright position, and we waited another turn of the century (or 5 minutes according to Karen), and then she tells me we are going to check for leaks.  I, being a girl, never thought I would have to "turn and cough" at the doctor.  Guess what I did yesterday :)  She says, give me a big cough.  I do.  Then I am asked to bear down like I am having a baby or a bowel movement.  What is with these people?  Do they want me to leak urine, or take a dump on their floor?  

Karen, bless her heart, tells me the next step is to stand. She lowered the hoist before assisting me out of the stir-ups and into a standing position.  Oh fantastic, in a standing postition, all of the pressure is on my bladder.  YAY, I just passed the test!  I leaked.  Test is over right?  Nope, not yet.  Another objective of this test is to see how much liquid my bladder can hold.  Well, by this point, it's full.  I am trying to cross my legs and hold it in.  This proves to be quite difficult with all the danglage down below.  I try telling Karen that it's time, I'm going to explode.  She squeezes the bag of fluid and says, "There's only a little bit more, let's see what we can get in yet."  I passed the test again. 

Last chore, sit on the portable commode and empty bladder into funnel.  She starts unhooking me from the machines so I can move to that corner.  And being the sweet woman she is, closes the little curtain to give me some privacy while I empty by bladder, really, what's the point?  Anyways, test is coming to a close and when I finally get emptied out, she removes all the sticky pad and tubes and apparatus that has been attached to me. And she was right, I didn't feel any of the electricity.  Huh.

Well, I guess I will compare this experience to child birth.  It is awful when it is happening; but afterwards, well shit, that comparison isn't going to work.  There is no way in hell that I am going to EVER do this again.  I will wear adult diapers at 30 years old first!  But on the bright side, I got a free wax job.  And the pain that she said I would have "the first few times you urinate", yeah, still here, FYI Karen, it's tomorrow, and it still hurts.